Five Stupendous Places to Have Sex…and the Not So Stupendous Consequences

Fucking in strange places is one of the things that makes life worth living. Even if you’re banging her missionary styles, you still feel like you’re in a porn.

But hey man, did you know there can be some ridiculously terrifying consequences to fucking her in places other than your bedroom? Yes, yes, there can be, and I’m going to tell you about them.

1. The Beach

Everyone loves the idea of sex on the beach. It just seems so natural to slip her bikini top off and enjoy a nice tit fuck under the sun, doesn’t it? But, anyone who has ever actually had sex on the beach will tell you that sand in your ass crack isn’t exactly the most pleasant feeling. And guess what? You know how beaches are always putting warning signs up these days about high levels of bacteria (the apocalypse is coming everyone)? Well, scientists have discovered that that bacteria actually gets stuck in the sand as well. Thus, it won’t just be regular old sand in your ass crack, it’ll be bacteria-ridden sand.

2. Pool

Again, anyone who has had a good pool fuck knows that water is a shitty lubricant. Also, pool fucking can force water into holes that don’t like water – causing unfun infections. The University of California recently discovered that chlorinated pools can have levels of bacteria high enough to cause yeast and urinary tract infections.

3. Car

Yeah, I’m not going to argue with you – nothing beats a nice blow job on some fine leather upholstery while zooming down a coastal highway. Except such things can cause death, and indeed, accidents do actually happen this way. The police say so. So, why not be a decent human being and avoid intense acts of physical pleasure while in control of a gigantic hunk of metal?

4. Bar Bathroom

You’re drunk, she’s hot, the only place to do it is the bathroom. But really, this doesn’t need much explanation, the bathrooms in bars are full of the remains of messy pissers and just packed with bacteria like e.coli, salmonella and shigella. Just wait till you get her home, dude.

5. Taxi

Two Words: Hidden Cameras.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, January 29th, 2011 at 1:08 pm and is filed under Blow job, Car sex, Cock, Condoms, Dating, Fucking, Porn, Sex, Sex tape, Voyeurism. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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