The Church of Orgasm

Sweden: land of blonde stereotypes, snow, excellent porn and other stuff I don’t know about because I’m an ignorant American, now also home the Church of Orgasms. Yes, Sweden has a new religious movement, and it’s one that worships the orgasm.

Question: how much more civilized can a society get? And: who are these people?

The founder of the church is actually Spanish, and he has appointed himself cardinal. His name is Carlos Bebeacua. The orgasm, he says, is God. “The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust,” explains Bebeacua, “it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow’!”

Orgasm through art and landscapes? What? Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things? I mean, dude’s saying I can orgasm by looking at snowy mountains? Or a Monet’s water lillies? I had no idea. I would have been way more into Art History in university had I known. I could have gotten marks for orgasms! I would have been a straight A student.

So yeah, maybe Cardinal Carlos is a little off his nut, or his nuts, or whatever. Sweden, at least, thinks he is, for they recently denied his Church of Orgasm official status. I guess there’s a limit even to Sweden’s tolerance.

I would really like to know how the church works. Are they going to build a worshipping place? Instead of receiving the host, are they going to be receiving Carlos’s cock? Will orgasms be doled out at the altar? Is there going to be a worshipping cup for all to cum in? Will sex be between members be obligatory? Will you be screened for your orgasm-worthiness before you are allowed to join? Will they worship women who can squirt cum ten feet? Will they worship men with impressive loads of jizz?

And what will the sermons be like? Will Carlos talk about his most recent orgasms in detail? Will there be porn involved? Is there a cross? Is there a sexual Jesus? I have so many questions. SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. I think a trip to Sweden could be in my very near future…

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 13th, 2011 at 11:41 am and is filed under Cock, Orgasm, Porn, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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