Five Ways You Suck The Morning After

You want to disappoint her in the morning? It’s easy. Lots of typical male behaviors are shitty, unattractive and depressing, especially after a night of porn sex Here are the top five:

1. You don’t offer her coffee/orange juice/toast:

You were both probably drunk last night. Then you had an intense session of fucking. The girl is drained. You don’t have to invite her for breakfast, but make sure you offer her some sort of sustenance so that she can get on the subway and make her way home without falling over out of exhaustion. At the very least, suggest you go for a coffee together at the place down the street. It’s a good way to get her politely out the door and not make her feel like shit.

2. You don’t help her find her underwear:

The underwear inevitably gets lost as you are pulling it off with your teeth and whipping it across the room. Don’t just stand there like a class-A douche and watch her find it. It’s humiliating. Get on your god-damn hands and knees and look for it with her. After all, you wanted it off her pussy last night, didn’t you? So help find it.

3. You don’t offer to call her a taxi:

Um, do not send her out in the street to hail a cab. Call one, you motherfucker. Unless your fingers are too numb from giving her multiple orgasms, you’ve got no excuse.

4. You forget her name:

Just remember her name. Feeling that cheap in the sunlight kind of sucks.

5. You don’t hint at wanting to fuck her in the morning:

As long as she’s not hurting bad from the gin and tonics, or in a massive rush, why not suggest in one way or another that you’re interested in another go at it. Don’t molest her, you son of a bitch. Don’t get all grabby while she’s still asleep, but when she wakes up, give the mouth closed-kiss and start stroking her neck, the sides of her body, and if she gives you the go-ahead, her breasts. Nothing’s worse than thinking a man wants to fuck you only when he’s hammered our of his hammerhead-shark head. Of course, if that’s the case, and you really don’t want to, I guess you shouldn’t force yourself. But make it up to her with a chocolate croissant.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 1st, 2010 at 12:20 pm and is filed under Dating, Fucking, Orgasm, Porn, Pussy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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