The Perfect Pop Star As Created By Dr. Frankenstein

In 2010 it’s no secret that pop music relies more on illusion than talent. While the music scene is more interesting today than it was in the early 2000’s when vapid newcomers such as Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Mandy Moore selling more records than God, this is simply because suits have come up with more creative ways to sell their product. So what does it take to create the perfect pop star? Let’s get all Dr. Frankenstein and design the ultimate celebrity that can sell music, sex, drama and dish detergent (if they so desire) to the general public. Our road to pop perfection includes:

Katy Perry’s Tits:

A whole bullet point devoted to Katy Perry’s tits you ask? Yes, they’re that spectacular: mind boggling in fact. How Russell Brand fucked Perry and got her to consent to marriage is a topic for another column, however take a good look at the breasts that could make anyone a star. Other than her bionic chest, Katy Perry doesn’t have any discernible star qualities – her boobies have sold more products than Billy Mays’ charisma!

Christina Aguilera’s voice:

It’s been many years since X-Tina could lay reasonable claim to the X in her nickname. While she used to writhe around in dirty boxing rings like an unsatisfied porn star, Aguilera’s lasting appeal has been the fact that she can sing. While not essential for pop superstardom, we’d like our pop tart to have a modicum of talent.

Ke$ha’s attitude:

Ke$ha’s Tic Tok has been one of the biggest songs of the past 10 years. It’s hard to believe that this butterface / butterbody / butterball could have scored a hit like Tic Tok, but it happened and it happened for one reason: Ke$ha’s fuck the world attitude. This is a girl who walks around as if she doesn’t care she’s ugly, lacks talent or appeal. She even wrote a song about puking in Paris Hilton’s closet. Now that’s just sick.

Lady Gaga’s style:

Lady Gaga’s look is more mannish than a drag queen’s, however she’s translated her unique style into superstardom of Madonna proportions. It’s easy to overlook her giant nose / giant ass when she’s dressed up in an outfit made of plush animals. If anything, this illustrates Gaga’s mastery of misdirection. We’re talking David Blaine next level shit here. Bam! Now she’s making sandwiches and dancing with Beyonce. Bam! Now she’s stroking her disco stick. Bam! Now you’ve bought her record. Sucker.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, October 31st, 2010 at 7:31 am and is filed under Celebrity, Fashion, Fucking, Porn, Porn star, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “The Perfect Pop Star As Created By Dr. Frankenstein”

  1. dont accept Says:

    Thanks bud. Not bad article you got going on here. Got some extra links to link to which have a bit more information?

  2. magnific Says:

    this is the way a blog should be! thanks!

  3. Don Says:

    Cool post, just subscribed.

  4. Hosea Wojewoda Says:

    Ya Katy Perry’s tits are insane.

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