The Google Search You Never Want to Find

Have you ever found something about yourself on Google that you wish wasn’t up for public consumption? Your ugly haircut in high school, or some disparaging remarks from your high school sweetheart when things went sour? Rebecca tells us about one time she found much worse…

It all started out fairly similar to an ordinary modern romance that you’d hear about over coffee. I met this guy named Andrew. After hanging out with him for a couple of months, I googled him. I knew what kind of beer he liked, what instrument he played in high school and that he knows a bit of latin. I looked him up in hopes of finding something neat or mildly salacious in the form of old blogs about old relationships or maybe something mentioned in a local paper about a swimming contest he won. What else is the internet there for if not for spying on your new lover?

What I found was much more than salacious. It was criminal.

It happened while he was in college. They both knew one another, went over to a friend’s party together. That’s when the woman who reported it said she was raped. Disturbing words like “lacerations, “bruising” and “restraints” filled my screen. I shuddered when I read them, and then at the thought of all the times he had wrapped his arm around me, never in an aggressive manner and he never pushed me beyond my comfort level. As I thought about this more my mind started to wander as I thought about whether this could be me.

I couldn’t believe it was him, but the more articles I clicked on, the more clear it became that it was him. They even had a photo of him standing in court. Disheveled and younger, but it was definitely him. He had pled “No Contest” to rape.

Finally, I couldn’t look at any more articles, I had to speak to Andrew directly. I had a date with him that night at the same bar we usually go to. We ordered a couple of drinks and made small talk. I tried to steer the conversation in a direction where I thought might naturally lead to his experience and all that surrounded his accusation. He gave vague answers about his time in college, even when I asked about set and dating. He was clearly very good at not bringing attention to the subject or appearing awkward.

He started talking about some friends who have been a bit troubled lately. Finally I suggested he might also have had a bit of a hard time as well. He looked at me funny and asked me what I meant. I responded simply, by telling him I had googled him.

That was all I needed to say. Immediately he knew what I was referring to. He started straight into what had happened. I didn’t need to press for more information, he let it all out willingly. He talked about going to the party together, how much they drank, going her place, the next day, turning himself into police, the trial, getting expelled from school, how it effected his family and friendships. He unleashed a barrage of information. He was pained as he spoke, but it seemed like a catharsis for him to talk about.

He told me of how the two of them were drunk, but she had asked him to be rough. She claimed she never said that and he took things too far. He was adamant that he was only doing what he thought she wanted and she never said no or stop as he fucked her. He claimed she said she wanted to make some free porn that was kinky, but he never kept a copy of the tape she made. He suspected that she destroyed the tape, because investigators never found evidence of a recording. He felt helpless, so he pled no contest. My heart broke for him a little. I was inclined to believe him, but I didn’t want to risk my safety in case I was wrong.

I didn’t dump Andrew, nor did I accuse him of having done it. But neither of us spoke to one another after that. I have a feeling he hadn’t spoken to anyone about it the way he had that night and it seemed like he needed to. I don’t think he was comfortable seeing me after being so candid about it. I wasn’t prepared to pick up the phone either. I would prefer to err on the side of caution.
I think about him sometimes, and wonder whether we’d still be together if I’d never looked him up. I wonder if he might have told me on his own eventually, or if I would have had to find out in a less desirable way… I wonder if he’s innocent and whether he’ll have to deal with other girls he dates looking him up online and confronting him for the rest of his life.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 26th, 2010 at 11:54 am and is filed under Dating, Free porn, Fucking, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “The Google Search You Never Want to Find”

  1. ford expert Says:

    Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that..

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