Clean Up On Aisle Four: Spunk On The Lightsaber

Various media outlets are reporting that a man recently walked into a Wal Mart store, grabbed a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue off the magazine rack, and proceeded to masturbate in none other than the children’s toy section – taking the line “cleanup on isle four” to a whole new level.

Tyler Black, a 28-year-old man from Florida and – get this – a fucking substitute teacher, has since been arrested by Sarasota police. According to a Wal Mart employee, Black ejaculated all over the floor and proceeded to wipe his hands clean on a toy. He then rubbed his foot over the semen, discarded the magazine, and attempted to walk out undetected.

Allow me to take a moment and gag a little.

A policeman involved in the case stated that the toy in question was in fact a Star Wars lightsaber – whether or not he had some bizarre Star Wars fetish is still uncertain. Also, the Sports Illustrated he so anxiously jacked off to, featured supermodel Brooklyn Decker on its cover. The conclusion? Tyler Black is a perverted nerd with penchant for blondes and big tits.

When confronted over his actions, Black had the balls to say that he was merely “shopping for a toy for his daughter”. Hopefully not the lightsaber in question. He has since been hit with two charges: indecent exposure and battery. The later came about after investigators determined that a “reasonable person would believe that a child would come in contact with the fluid on the toy being that it was left in the toy aisle of the store”. The perv now faces a bond of $2,000 and could even serve some jail time. Certainly a fair punishment for contaminating a childrens’ toy aisle and being a complete sleaze.

Has he not heard of free porn?!

Though certainly unusual, this is not the first time someone was caught polishing their rod in a Wal Mart store. A man going by the name “BaseballPlaya”, has been making the rounds on the internet posting videos of him masturbating in not only Wal Mart, but also Barnes & Noble and Dillards. Definitely a trend to watch, and run from.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 5th, 2010 at 11:46 am and is filed under Cum, Free porn, Fucking, Porn, Sex, Technology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “Clean Up On Aisle Four: Spunk On The Lightsaber”

  1. weight Says:

    i can has cheeseburger?

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