For All You Butt Fuckers…

According to a survey of people’s butts (actually it was ironically about family growth, which sounds somehow impossible) 38.2% of straight men aged 20-39 and 32.6% of women aged 18-44 enjoy anal sex. In case you’re a homophobe, you can rest easy that you are actually getting up more butts per capita than the gays.

So for all you pervs sticking dicks up there, Here’s what you need to know to keep things as friendly and clean as possible. Firstly, one thing we all need to embrace and accept is the fact that every once in a while, no matter how awesome our butts are, it’s going to get messy. If your ass has some unwelcome friends show up, don’t freak out. If it happens to you, don’t get embarrassed, just take care of it. If it happens to your partner, don’t be a dick about it. Just smile and let it go. Because your ass ain’t so fancy either, bud.

You should have an all around healthy lifestyle in order to produce the kind of regular dumps that will keep that cornhole clean. You should not look like a chocolate soft serve machine gone bad. You should be getting firm, well-formed tubes of excrement that surf the porcelain paradise you frequent pretty quickly. If you are well-hydrated, you will produce rectal mucous, which helps your rectum act as a conveyor belt for your crap, passing things along and sweeping everything out of you so you stay clean as a whistle.

When you’re not shitting, there generally shouldn’t be anything in your butt that you don’t put there. If you take good care of what goes in, what comes out will be minimally smelly and disgusting, and will leave you room for fun happy butt fucking times.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, September 25th, 2010 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Anal sex, Fucking, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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